Seattle, Grief, & Love

As I begin this post, I have no idea what I am going to say.  This is odd for me.  It will probably be part tribute, part catharsis.  Maybe the two are one in the same?

My beloved cat Seattle is dead.  There is a hole in my heart made larger because of its match in the heart of my wife.  Seattle's sister Honor, who had never been apart from her, has had a week of loss largely mimicking our own.  At first, she spent time searching our home over and over, looking for her life-long partner.  Although it still seems that she knows that all is not right, not well, she is adapting.   I hope that my wife and I can find the same resolve and achieve the same outcome.

Seattle's loss was sudden and perhaps the wound is more severe because of this.  When we lost our previous cat Ezri, it was at the end of long decline.  I loved Ezri no less than I did Seattle, but her loss was different  -- bitter, horrible, but different and perhaps less wounding.  The wrenching, out-of-the-blue nature of this experience is the difference.

Early on Halloween, my wife woke me with the news that she thought that Seattle had hurt her leg.  Indeed, she was putting no weight on the right-front limb and seemed unable to bend it at its mid-joint.  We were at our regional animal hospital within thirty minutes and initially, the doctor also thought that a broken bone would be the cause of the distress.  Images taken of the limb, however, showed nothing amiss with the bones of the leg or shoulder.  However, the images caught Seattle's heart as well and it was this organ that I assumed to be so strong that proved her undoing.

Her heart was at least twice the size that it should have been, likely the result of an unknown congenital defect.  One chamber of the heart was far too large and instead of pumping blood as it should have been, much of the blood was being "churned like fluid in a washing machine" instead of moving on through the body easily and in a normal rhythm.  Moreover, her heart had "spit out" a clot, which had found its way to her leg, and blocked the flow of blood to the limb.  Drug therapy -- Plavix -- proved unsuccessful and circulation was never reestablished to her leg.

By the next morning, she suffered respiratory arrest.  Her lungs filled with fluid, perhaps due to another clot.  Much of this fluid was removed, but there was great fear that whether or not this instance was caused by a clot or not, her lungs would continue to be a danger, both of death and of pain.  And her heart would one day kill her no matter whether we could save her in the short run.  She might have lived two days or two weeks.  Could she have lived two months?  Our doctors were very compassionate and gave us all of the information necessary to make a decision about her care and ending her life.  Her remaining natural life would have been one of pain.  Her too-early death was certain.  And thus, we chose the only rational course of action available to us.  God help me.  She died in our arms.  Tears were in my eyes.  Love was in my heart.  "I'm sorry" was on my lips.

A hole is in my heart.

I was rereading what I wrote when Seattle and her sister became part of our family.  Two lines had me wondering at how times can change.  About Honor, I wrote: Like her namesake, she is self-assured and feisty.  About Seattle, I said: Seattle, too, has her own personality and while not quite as outgoing as her sister, she is inquisitive and playful.  As the kittens grew and we moved from New Mexico to Massachusetts, Honor became our timid girl, while Seattle became a terror!  I don't recall ever seeing Seattle scared of anything new.  People, dogs, appliances... you name it, she saw the world as Veni Vedi Vicci.  She was a marvel to watch and a joy to be around.  And around me, she always was.

I had the great fortune to have Seattle bond with me as no other cat has before. When I was home, we were always together.  She followed me from room to room to room to room...  She was on my lap.  She was on my desk.  She was under my legs.  She slept under the covers with her head poking out and tucked onto my left shoulder.  I played every video game with her watching.  I read every book with the pages between two ears.  She was always there.  And because of this, I'm feeling the loss of her presence like and anvil tied to the back of my head.  My emotions just feel heavy.

A hole is in my heart.

It has now been two weeks since I last added to this writing. I found myself unable to return and while my grief is becoming easier to bear, I am still struggling mightily with Seattle’s loss. I’m sure that many cannot understand this sorrow and its seemingly ever-present nature. However, I have liked 100% of the cats that I have met more than 99.99999999…% of the people who have crossed my path. When one of these cats has become family, well, you either understand or you don’t.

Seattle is gone. Her sister and my wife remain, shining like the sun and being salves for my wounds. I am so, so thankful for the help that they both are providing me.

I love you Seattle, still and forever. Now, there is a hole in my heart. Love and fond memories will fill that hole. And for the rest of my days, you will be a part of me, loved, treasured, and remembered. Thank God or fate or chance for bringing us together. Thank you for your devotion. Thank you for your spirit. Thank you for being you.

I love you Seattle, still and forever.

22 November 2010
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Welcome Honor and Seattle

My wife and I have welcomed two new bundles of joy into our home. This week, two tabby kittens arrived after their first shots and a thorough check-up. Their mother was found as a stray, already pregnant and in need of care. She had a litter of five and ours were two of her daughters. We certainly had not planned on getting new cats so soon after the loss of our previous feline family member, but we are cat people and these wonderful little girls needed a home. Case closed.

They are now Honor and Seattle. Honor was given her name after my favorite book character, Honor Harrington, created by science fiction writer David Weber. Like her namesake, she is self-assured and feisty. While her sister outweighs her by a fair margin, Honor runs roughshod over her most of the time in their play fights. Honor was an obvious choice for me because the character is my hero. Yes, a lot of psychoanalysis could be done regarding having a fictional woman who “lives” worlds away and over 2,000 years in our future as my hero, but there you have it. Consider it my response to the real world in which I live.

Seattle was named for the city in which my wife and I began falling in love. It holds such a dear place in both of our hearts and is thus fitting for this new kitten. Seattle, too, has her own personality and while not quite as outgoing as her sister, she is inquisitive and playful. Plus, she has the cutest spots on her belly that make you just want to give her tummy rubs! We should all be so lucky.

These girls are off to a great start. They are healthy and happy. Best of all, instead of being lost and forgotten, they will be loved and cared for all of their days. They bring joy into our lives in return. I will continue to mourn Ezri, but I celebrate the gift of these two lives new to us.

17 August 2007

Seattle: Five Years Later

This weekend marked five years since our Seattle abruptly succumbed to a then-unknown heart issue and passed away.  I have spent almost all of the past few days thinking about her, missing her.  I think of her often still, but her death is no longer a weight in my mind and on my eyes.  It is again right now.

I can say that our family feels whole most of the time.  I would not trade Honor and Finnegan for anything.  But three cats would be better than two.  Adding Seattle back into the mix would make us whole in truth.

I miss you, Seattle.  I loved you beyond measure in life.  That love has not diminished.

2 November 2015

A Decade Without Seattle

 Yesterday brought us to the the ten year mark after our cat Seattle's death.  I didn't write about on the 1st.  Too raw.  Today, I'll simply link my writing from that time.  It still rings true, bringing up memories grand and grim.

We still have Honor with us, thank God.  And her new "brother" Finnegan is above me in a cat tree as I write this.  So blessed.

Still such a great loss.

Wherever you are, Seattle, I love you.

2 November 2020

Seattle: 90 Days Out

It has been three months since we lost Seattle. Time heals all wounds it is said and the loss has become bearable. Still, I think about her every day. Actually, I dwell on her every day and each time that I do, I still have to fight to break my thoughts away. Someday, I’m sure that this will end, but it won’t be today.

On the plus side, Honor has really rallied since the loss of her sister. She is more engaged and seems braver. Not brave, of course, just braver. LOL I have become closer to her and for that I am most grateful.

 I love Honor and I love my wife and this loss has made me even more thankful to have them both in my life.

Seattle, I love you and I miss you still.

1 February 2011

Seattle

I miss you.

1 November 2013

Unassisted Triple Play

My wife and I were watching the Red Sox game last night and got onto the topic of unassisted triple plays.  I said that while it isn't the hardest thing to do in baseball -- I would reserve that honor for pitching a perfect game -- that it might be the most rare.

There have been fifteen unassisted triple plays thus far in major league history.  To put that in perspective, in the major leagues there have been:

• Twenty-three perfect games
• 305 batters hitting for the cycle
• 287 no hitters

However, in putting this post together, I discovered at least one thing more rare in baseball... hitting for the natural cycle.  That has been done only thirteen times in the major leagues!

Compilation Video


And yes, one of those featured is a Red Sox player, John Valentin (SS) on 8 July 1994 against the Seattle Mariners.  The other Red Sox player to do so was George Burns (1B) on 14 September 1923 against the Cleveland Indians.  The first that I ever saw was during a Colorado Rockies game in their great, but ultimately doomed, 2007 season.  There, Troy Tulowitzki (SS) tripled-up the Atlanta Braves on 29 April.

I'd really like to know how Mr. Burns completed his triple play as most are recorded by either SS or 2B.  First baseman Johnny Neun of the Detroit Tigers also pulled this off on 31 May 1927 against the Cleveland Indians.

Although not taking place in the majors, there has been one recorded instance of an unassisted triple play by an outfielder!  I'll put the description about Walter Carlisle from Baseball-Reference.com below:

Walter Carlisle, although more famous for something he did in the minors, played 3 games in the major leagues with theBoston Red Sox in 1908. Also trying for a job in the outfield of the Red Sox that year was a 20-year-old named Tris Speaker. 

On July 19, 1911, while playing for Vernon of the Pacific Coast League in a game against Los Angeles, Carlisle completed the only known example of an unassisted triple play by a centerfielder. Carlisle made a diving catch off the bat of Roy Akin just behind second base with runners on first and second, but the runners had taken off with the hit, so he touched second, and then ran by himself all the way back to first to complete the triple play. In the following year, Akin pulled off his own unassisted triple play, albeit as an infielder.

And just to make sure that none of these amazing players get too big for their britches, I give you a six-year-old.

11 May 2015

Beautiful day, happy to have been here.

This is a fantastic obituary written by an author from Seattle.  Worth the read.  I first learned of it on The Huffington Post.

God speed, Ms. Lotter.

7 August 2013